don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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