can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
