Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
