I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
