I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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