he told me I talked like a deaf person
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
