Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
