She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
