I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
