She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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