I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
