You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
