i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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