the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
