Sponge bath it is.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
