Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
