I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
