Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
