You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
