DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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