and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I don't think brook has ever known best
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
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