i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize