I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize