how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
