Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
