Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
