mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize