i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
