Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
