she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize