I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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