I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
