and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
