It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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