During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
