why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Randomize
