I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
