Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize