so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
