So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
organizing the empties. That sober.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
