Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
