It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
