im drinking this country out of the recession.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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