I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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