So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
