Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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