I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
