so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
