It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
