I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
