Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
