No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
