Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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