and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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