I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
from now on my penis is your penis
kristin has been a bad kristin
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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