white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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