Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
