I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
