fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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