I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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