You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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