If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
