I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
4 words: hood of his car
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
