I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
