You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
