When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
