I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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