I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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