so explain again why im purple
no
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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