I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
