We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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